Trying to be Strong

I am having alot of trouble today. I don't know what to think or feel. I know that my dad had very high cholesterol and that this shouldn't come as a complete shock to me, but I feel like I have been hit with a ton of bricks. Why him? There are other people whom I feel could very well be in his place yet they are not. Its not death that scares me because it is a part of life's cycle. It's the fact that in order to live, we must face these awful obsticles. The thought of dad being cut into and wide open, placing his heart and faith in the hands of someone who is literally playing god, makes me scared out of my mind for him. I don't want him to have any pain or be afraid. He is my Dad. He is supposed to be the strongest person I know. I just don't want to think about what he is going to have to go through and what he is going through right now. Tommorrow is going to be the hardest day of my life!